


Jesus at Mt. Ebott

by kenmaxwell



Category: Undertale
Genre: Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Mild Language, Religion, Spoilers - Undertale Pacifist Route, light humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 14:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13548855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmaxwell/pseuds/kenmaxwell
Summary: A street evangelist finds that some SOULs are not so easily won.





	Jesus at Mt. Ebott

Another day, another opportunity to spread the gospel. Roy meandered through the streets of a festival in full swing at the foot of Mt. Ebott, his cameraman following not too far behind.

“Look at all these creatures, Carl! I think if I could lead just _one_ soul to Christ, my day will be made.”

“Go save some souls, boss!” Carl cheered, looking at his employer through the camera lens.

“I will!” Immediately he came across a small cat...dog...thing? in a blue sweater, vibrating intensely next to a food truck that sold something called “Temmie Flakes”, headed by another of its kind. Truly, a sign of the living God!

“Excuse me, er…Miss, do you have a moment?”

“hOI!!!! I’m tEMMIE!!” the catdog exclaimed.

Roy was taken aback by the excited greeting, but continued. “Er, yes. Hello…Temmie. I would like to ask you something. Do you think you’re a good…uh…Temmie?”

“YAyaYa!! Temmie…is BEST TEM!!”

“Okay then. Have you ever told a lie?”

“YayA! Pie…such a…CUTE!!”

“No, no, I said lie, not pie.”

“Hooman cute TOo!! U have Dog Residus?”

The shopfront Temmie’s front paw then began to extend, encircling Roy’s head once before poking him in the stomach. “Ack! Hey, stop that!” Roy exclaimed, smacking the end of the paw away. Immediately it retracted back to its normal size, and its owner pouted”

“p…u mean, mustache hooman…Tem leave nao. bOI!!”

With that, the shopkeep departed from the stand, her body going one way and her face going the other.

Bewildered, Roy straightened his shirt and said, “Well! It seems that they don’t want to accept the love of Christ. Let’s go elsewhere, Carl.”

“Okay, Boss.”

Within 5 minutes, they came across a pair of skeletons, one extremely tall and wearing a cape, the other much shorter and wearing a parka, basketball shorts that looked big enough on him to be pants, and pink slippers.

“SANS!! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT YOUR FEET ON THE TABLE! HUMANS EAT HERE!”

“ah, don’t sweat it, bro. my feet need a seat, too.”

“There! They look perfect!” Ray made a beeline to the duo, catching the attention of the taller boneman first. “AH! HERE’S A HUMAN TO PROVE YOU WRONG! EXCUSE ME, SIR, I NEED YOU TO EDUCATE MY BROTHER ON PROPER HUMAN ETIQUETTE!”

The skeleton boomed, gesturing towards his brother, who flashed a peace sign and displayed his seemingly perpetual grin.

“Er…we can talk about that later. Right now, I have something for you that I think you’ll like.”

“A GIFT?? WOWIE! I LOVE GIFTS! BESTOW YOUR PRESENTS UNTO THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” Papyrus replied, placing one hand winningly over his chest and the other on hip.

“yeah, man, present the presents,” Sans added, causing his brother to turn his head and glare at him.

Such haughty, conceited skeleton! He could really benefit from this message.

“Alright well, I’m going to give it to you, but first I need to ask you a few questions. First: Do you think you’re a good…skeleton?

“OF COURSE I AM! I’M AMAZING! I THINK YOU’RE PRETTY GREAT, TOO! WHAT A LOVELY MUSTACHE!”

Roy blinked before continuing. “Thank you! But I’m not here about me, you see. This is about you, and your soul.”

“YOU’RE GIVING MY SOUL A PRESENT, TOO??”  Papyrus shouted, his eyes gleaming, and his cheeks turning red, somehow.

“You could say that. But you have to answer my questions, first. Now: have you ever told a lie?”

“HMM…NOPE!” Papyrus said, sticking out his chest.

“You’re sure?

“WELL, THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME WHEN I TOLD A FRIEND THAT ANOTHER FRIEND WAS WEARING SOMETHING EVEN THOUGH THEY WEREN’T…”

“That’s lying.” What does that make you?”

“A GREAT FRIEND WHO PROTECTS HIS FRIENDS FROM OTHER FRIENDS…?”

“No. It makes you a liar.” Out of the corner of his eye, Roy noticed that Sans was looking directly at him. He thought he noticed a flash of blue, but thought nothing of it and continued his pitch, as it were.

“Let’s move on. Have you ever stolen anything?”

ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

“But we’ve just determined you’re a liar.”

“THE GREAT PAPYRUS NEVER LIES ABOUT THEFT!!”

A piece of work, this one. He needs this, Roy realized. He also realized that he definitely saw a blue light shining from the shorter skeleton’s left eye.

“If you say so. My last question is this: Have you ever been angry with someone?”

“OF COURSE! MY BROTHER MAKES ME ANGRY SOMETIMES, BUT ONLY BECAUSE HE SO DREADFULLY LAZY!”

“guilty as charged,” the brother in question quipped. His eyes had returned to normal, so maybe Roy was just seeing things.

“Alright, well, Jesus taught that if you become angry with your brother or sister, you have committed murder.

Papyrus was quite visibly taken aback by this revelation. “BUT I COULD NEVER HURT MY BROTHER! I’M ONLY ANGRY BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!”

“By God’s standards, that’s a pretty lousy way of showing it. By his standards, you are a lying murderer at heart, at the very least, and…uh…”

Suddenly he felt something quite literally tugging at his hear. He looked at Papyrus’ hurt face, and then at Sans, whose left hand and eye were glowing an eerie blue.

“look, pal, i really don’t wanna cause a scene in front of all these people, so you might wanna think about you’re gonna say next. _real_ hard.”

Ray realized he had a choice to make. Should he tell this lost soul the truth and risk death, or lie to him and potentially condemn him to hell?

He decided on the latter. At least he would live to spread the Gospel another day.

“…and…that’s…not fair to you as a person, because you only do these things for your fellow man.”

Papyrus beamed, and put a hand on Roy’s shoulder. “SO I AM A GOOD SKELETON?”

“Of course! You’re a great skeleton! Amazing, even!” Ray stuttered, and even though he saw Sans release his grip, the tug still remained.

“I’M GLAD YOU THINK SO TOO! KEEP WORKING AT IT AND I KNOW YOU’LL BE AS AMAZING AS ME!”

“he sure will, pap. he still has to give us that gift though,” Sans replied, still looking through Roy.

“Ah…yes! Your present! Here’s 20 dollars; go buy yourself some ice cream!” Roy said, hurriedly taking out his wallet and pulling out a crisp Jackson.

“WOWIE! THANK YOU, KIND SIR! SANS, LET’S GO BUY SOME OF THOSE ‘TACOS’ THE HUMANS RAVE ABOUT SO MUCH!” With that, Papyrus bounded taco-ward.

“right behind you, bro,” Sans drawled, rising from his place on the bench and following behind his brother at a leisurely pace. He stopped in front of Roy and turned to face him.

“i’m glad you saw things my way, buddy. just a word of advice…”

His pupils vanished. Roy felt the tug again, and he was forced to bend to Sans’ level. He heard a voice unlike anything he had heard in this world.

“I couldn’t care less about your god’s bullshit ‘standards’. If you _ever_ fuck with my brother’s head like that again…you’re not gonna get another chance to think about it. Capisci?”

Roy nodded rapidly, and was released with a start.

“later,dude.” Roy blinked once, and he was gone.

“Well! That happened!” He exclaimed.

“Aren’t you scared of him, boss? Maybe we should go home…”

“That’s the coward’s way out, Carl! I need to be bold!”

He looked around at the crowd, and then he saw it: a pair of monsters accompanied by a neutral-faced human child. One was blue, with gills, long cherry-red hair pulled back in a ponytail, sharp teeth, and yellow eyes, the left of which was covered by an eyepatch. She was dressed in a black tank top, blue jeans and black boots. She was speaking in a rather intimate manner to a small, timid lizard girl with yellow skin and glasses in a polka dot dress.

“There, Carl! Look at that pair of lesbians! It would be a sin not to!”

Are you sure, Boss? The fish lady looks kinda scary…”

“I’ll bet you hell is scarier, Carl.

…

“A-are you sure you’re okay out here, Undyne? It’s pretty hot…”

“Aw, Alphys, you call this hot?? C’mon, sun, step up your game!!” Undyne shouted, raising her fists towards the star, causing the lizard girl and the human riding her shoulders to giggle.” If you want hot, try chasing this punk through Hotland!” She exclaims, patting the child’s knee.

“I wouldn’t complain, dear. The sun is just right to sustain life on this planet. There’s the beauty of our Creator.”

“Oh! Hello!” The lizard girl, whose name was apparently Alphys, greeted Roy and Carl warmly. The fish, not so much.

“Who the hell are you?” She looked at them suspiciously. The child matched her expression, crinkling their face.

“Undyne! Language!” Alphys exclaimed, playfully smacking Undyne on her arm. Undyne laughed heartily and gave her a kiss on the cheek, making Roy cringe. The fish noticed.

“What was that about, dude?” uh oh. No, stay firm!

“Ah…nothing. Don’t worry about it. I have a few questions to ask each of you. Do you think you’re good people?

“*You nod/Hell yeah! /I-I think I’m okay…”

“Have any of you ever told a lie?”

“*Once, to help a friend. /Nope!/ Well…”

Roy looked straight at Alphys. “Well, what?”

She jumped, fidgeting with her fingers and averting her eyes. “It…it’s not important— “

“If you’re headed where I think you’re headed, it’s very important. You need to confess.”

The girl made a noise of discomfort.

“She _said_ she doesn’t wanna talk about it, fucko!” The fish girl growled, glaring at him.

“Undyne, please don’t!”

Alphys took a deep breath.

“It’s kind of complicated, but in the underground the king asked me to help bring some monsters’ dead relatives back to life using the power of determination, so I tried, and after a while it worked…but then, they started to…melt, and then they got stuck together and I had to keep them hidden in my basement while I tried to fix it, but then a year passed and I couldn’t tell their families what had really happened and— “

Roy put out his hand. “Stop. Just stop. You’re telling me that a bunch of monsters got stuck together, and then you kept them in a dark basement for an entire _year_??”

“Yes, but, like I said, it was only until I could find a way to separate them! Oh…”

The lizard girl pointed behind Roy. He whirled around to find a giant, white, vaguely dog-shaped form with six legs and a giant hole where its face should be…or used to be.

Behind it, its massive tail started wagging, and the hole began leaking some horrible, viscous liquid that at one point may have been drool. It made a sound more akin to a drone than a bark, and licked Roy’s cheek, covering it with the same otherworldly substance that dripped from its cavernous maw.

Roy stood stock still, horrified. After about 30 seconds, he slowly turned towards the girl, who had shrunk into her seat. “Um…I-I think he likes you! Heh-heh…”

“That makes one of us. Besides, they’re with their families now, so what’s the problem?” Undyne asked.

Roy sputtered. “’W-what’s the problem?’?! Young lady, you kept these monsters in your basement for a year, simply because you couldn’t tell their families the truth, and now you’re trying to pretend that everything is fine because you were nice enough to let them out??”

“N-no, it’s not like that! I mean…no one knew if I was even going to be able to do what the king had asked me, because monsters don’t usually have that kind of power! We’d never even seen it in action in its natural form before Frisk came along!”

The child in question put their hands on their hips, proud of themselves. They were about to fall over though, and their arms windmilled for a second before hugging the top of the fish girl’s head.

The lizard girl smiled briefly, and continued her excuse. “And…and even if I had told them right away, I had no idea how their families would react! I thought they’d be terrified! I couldn’t subject them to that…”

Roy’s face hardened. “Don’t act like you cared about them or their families! You kept them from their loves ones to save your own skin! But what else should I expect from you scientists?”

Alphys shrunk further. “I’m sorry?”

“Hey, cool it, fucko!” Undyne shouted, pounding her fist on the table. The human child pouted angrily as well, though it was far less threatening.

“I’m saying that’s all people like you ever do: you actively stifle the truth without any regard for peoples’ futures, or eternal destinies, or anything!”

“I said **COOL IT!!** ” the fish bellowed.

“Carl, are you getting this?”

“Rolling, boss!”

“Do you know what you are, miss? You’re a selfish, cowardly, lying, doubly evil monster. You need to let the love of God convict you or you’ll never be clean.”

The girl bit her lips and inhaled sharply, trying, and failing, to hold back tears. The dog-mass came up behind her, and nuzzled her cheek. Frisk placed a calming hand on her head, and Undyne placed one on her back.

“Why are you comforting her?! She doesn’t need comfort; she needs— “                  

Suddenly, Roy heard a warping sound below him. Several warping sounds, in fact. He looked down and found himself surrounded by odd blue glowing circles. Looking behind him, his cameraman was standing outside the circles, looking confused and frightened. He turned around and noticed also that the fish girl had a dark expression on her face, an upturned hand lowered towards the ground.

Alphys looked up from her simpering as well, and she became fearful, as though she realized what was about to happen.  The human child gripped Undyne’s head tightly, as well, as if preparing to go on a circus ride. “Oh no…”

“What? What ‘oh no’?”

“You think I’m just gonna sit here and let you shit talk my girlfriend like that, for your own benefit?

“It’s not for my benefit! It’s for your… _girlfriend…”_ Roy replied, the last word leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

Undyne smirked. “You got a fast mouth on ya, buddy. Let’s see how fast you can **_RUN!_** ”

With that, she swung her arm upward, grinning viciously. The next thing Roy saw was a sharp flash of blue rising from the ground in the form of spears, causing him to step backward. The spears disappeared as he fell, just as he would’ve been impaled through the stomach. Instead, he landed flat on his back, his head landing just short of the space between Carl’s legs. The wind had been knocked from him, and as he struggled to sit upright, he saw Undyne standing before him, arms outstretched, with 20 glowing spears floating above her head in an arc…

…

As Sans and Papyrus enjoyed their 10th taco between them, they saw the mustachioed human and his friend rush by them, being chased by Undyne and Frisk, followed by Alphys, followed by Endogeny.

“ ** _NGAHHH!!_** GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT, FUCKO!!”

“Undyne, please…!”

“Give me the speed of a gazelle, Lord! Run, Carl!”

“Running, Boss!”

Suddenly, a small white dog appeared, wiggled a while in front of Carl, and floated away, having absorbed Carl’s camera.

“Hey! Gimme back my gear, you dumb dog!”

 

“OH MY! WHAT KIND OF GAME DO YOU THINK THEY’RE PLAYING, SANS?”

Sans shrugged. “looks like a round of tag, pap.” He shoved another taco through his teeth.

“WOWIE! I WANNA PLAY!!” Papyrus boomed. He finished his taco in one bite, summoned his bones and hurried to join the chase.

“heheh. have fun, bro.” Sans called after his brother. He thought about making the human fall on his face, but decided against it. Too much effort for him, not enough for Undyne.

 

 

 

 


End file.
